I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
