i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
