he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
