I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
