at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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