I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
