What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
