Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
