we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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