i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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