i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
