i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
