I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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