I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
