the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
