I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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