I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
