Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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