Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
