Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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