did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
