fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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