I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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