How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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