so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
