I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
