this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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