Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
