i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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