The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize