Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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