I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
