Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
