I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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