so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
