Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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