Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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