one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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