There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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