i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
