sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
