I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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