someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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