one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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