you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
