i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
