My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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