there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
