i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
