I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
