Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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