Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
