Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
