I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
