First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
