Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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