I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
