We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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