I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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