Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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