The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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