Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
