Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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